Today I found myself in the most obs­cure of situa­tions. I was wal­king down the local high street, peru­sing in the shop win­dows – admi­ring the steel kitchen free­zers and the 2 for 1 offers at Ice­land. I wal­ked onwards past groups of chil­dren coming home from school, stu­dents back from uni­ver­sity and old ladies with their karts rushing as quickly as they could carry them­sel­ves. All were wrap­ped warm in their scar­ves and coats, for at the moment it is Novem­ber and bit­terly cold.

I found myself ever for­tu­nate, being pre­sent in a futu­ris­tic and tech­no­lo­gi­cally advan­ced envi­ron­ment. My mind wan­de­red onto strange thoughts as I saw the latest gad­gets boun­cing around the hall­ways of the gad­get shop. I thought of flying cars and five sto­rey buses that could swim under­wa­ter. Life was grand and I was genui­nely happy to be there. In follo­wing the daily tra­di­tion of wal­king down the high street towards the bus stop, my mind wan­ders to all sorts of realms I never knew exis­ted. It was today, in a futu­ris­tic day­dream that I didn’t look where I was going and fell down an unco­ve­red manhole.

I fell and I fell, twis­ting and twir­ling down a hel­ter skel­ter slide. I tum­bled all over the place and kept falling. As I fell I had time to won­der why I was falling. I thought about how far I was going, where I was going and I had a sneaky sus­pi­cion that I was not going down the usual hole into the sewers. This slide was pain­ted with murals, art­ful mas­ter­pie­ces along­side school children’s dood­les. Music pla­yed, a ran­dom play­list it seems, country blues spli­ced with tele­vi­sion theme tunes. It was most eclec­tic and I knew that at the end of my fall I would be safe.

I lan­ded with a soft bounce. It seems I was tra­ve­ling at a slow speed, akin to a moving sloth. It is here that I found my pecu­liar situa­tion. I was in a sandy town surroun­ded by short small flat top hou­ses with open win­dows and door­ways. Peo­ple were wea­ring strange robes and head bands. I felt quite silly in my scarf and Welling­ton boots. As I wan­de­red onwards, trying not to bring myself too much atten­tion, I noti­ced a crowd had gathe­red around a tall hill with three trees atop of it. It was a while away but I gallo­ped across and made the ground in good speed. My heart was all aflut­ter, I hadn’t ran that fast or far for a very long while.

The large crowds were all angry, tan­ned men were jee­ring and grin­ning evilly towards the three trees on the hill. I, like a wai­ling police car, pas­sed easily through the crowd, peo­ple kindly moving aside and let­ting me pass. I wan­ted to see what was wrong with these three trees, so I follo­wed the windy road up to the top of the hill. I took this trip slowly and made sure I was com­po­sed and ready to duel with wha­te­ver evil lay ahead. My mind con­ju­red three hea­ded dra­gons, two hea­ded sna­kes and an odd bald man who liked plaid shoes. At the very top I found a small gathe­ring of impor­tant loo­king peo­ple, they wore what loo­ked like an ancient ver­sion of black tie dress. I poli­tely intro­du­ced myself to them all, yet none of them spoke back. Some were crying and I fea­red the dra­gon or snake or bald man had already des­tro­yed the world. An old man poin­ted towards the middle tree.

Squin­ting without my glas­ses, I made out a poor star­ved man han­ging on the tree. He loo­ked ever so hel­pless and no one was let­ting him down. I felt very sorry for him and I deci­ded I would speak to him to find out why he was han­ging on the dead tree. I was stop­ped sud­denly though, there were vibra­tions in my poc­ket and the air ran thick with the jaunty tune of a polypho­nic pop­corn tone. I reached into my side and with­drew my mobile; I had a new text message:

“HELP! I think my work is corrupt, should I save it as an untit­led docu­ment or leave it. My com­pu­ter is dying and I don’t know what to do.”

I replied telling her to use my com­pu­ter and to start again. Behind me, the gathe­rings had fallen to their knees and were proc­lai­ming me as a great prophet, musi­cian and angel from God. I gave a sti­fled smile and bac­ked away into the poor man in the tree, knoc­king off his hand made leafy crown. I apo­lo­gi­zed and he said no worries. The crowds were now chan­ting like a hoo­li­gan would at a soc­cer match, they wept and cried and asked what God wan­ted them to do. They asked if I was going to save their king. I thought to myself, “maybe I should have told her to save it”.

This has been nag­ging in my head for a while now and I feel it is at some sort of stage to put to elec­tro­nic paper and dis­cuss with other peo­ple. This theory all lies behind a sim­ple sta­te­ment that I thought up while being my ever ego­tis­ti­cal self;

“I am per­fect yet everything else is imperfect”

In exa­mi­ning this, I was won­de­ring how in fact anyone could prove this per­son wrong. It would seem impos­si­ble for imper­fec­tion to argue with said per­son. As they may in fact be imper­fect, all of their rea­so­ning and thought pro­ces­ses may be fla­wed, and hence can­not be trus­ted. Thus nothing they say can be com­ple­tely relied upon. Secon­ding this, ‘everything else,’ with the excep­tion of this “self being” is imper­fect; sug­ges­ting that secon­dary things may dis­tort per­cep­tions, hence per­cep­tions can­not be fully relied on either. This makes the sta­te­ment nigh infallible. 

A ques­tion was then brought to my atten­tion, what hap­pens if someone else also says “I am per­fect, yadda yadda… “. This pre­sents a sort of para­llax. It means the sta­te­ment is either right or it is wrong, and there is no way to prove either way. If it were wrong, no one would be per­fect, end of dis­cus­sion. Howe­ver, if it is correct, for which there is a fifty-fifty chance, it would have some impli­ca­tions. For it to be correct there can be no dif­fe­ren­ces bet­ween the “self being” of the two peo­ple. As if there is a dif­fe­rence, one will obviously have an advan­tage over the other, hence ren­de­ring one of them imper­fect.
In dra­wing conc­lu­sions from this and the fact that any per­son could say this (or at least think it), ever­yone would in fact be equal and per­fect in every­way. Dra­wing this further and con­si­de­ring a hypothe­ti­cal posi­tion in time and space, so as not to hold advan­ta­ges or disad­van­ta­ges, ever­yone must be part of ONE thing and not just repli­cas of a per­fect thing.

This pre­sents an image of one ove­rall cons­cious­ness that is per­fect. You could call this God.

Loo­king at scrip­tu­res and what Chris­tia­nity has to say about God it sta­tes;
- God made us in his own image
- God is everywhere and ‘within us all’
This rein­for­ces the conc­lu­sions made so far. If we are all part of a grea­ter per­fec­tion, that per­fec­tion being God, then he is within us all and our image per­tains to God as we are actually part of God.

The Soul
The soul is seen as the life source for humans, when we die our soul lea­ves our body. Or so is said by reli­gious folk. This is the image of a soul, it is a life force, it is what we are. 

The idea of having a soul can be bac­ked up by the ini­tial argu­ment, “I am per­fect yet everything else is imper­fect”. Our soul is the per­fect entity, the “self being” and our bodies (or uni­verse even) being the imper­fect ves­sels. This also pro­vi­des ans­wers as to why we do not view per­fec­tion and assume imper­fec­tion; we see imper­fec­tion because imper­fec­tion is dis­tor­ting everything we per­cept.
Jesus
Chris­tia­nity, which belie­ves Jesus is the true Son of God, also belie­ves that Jesus was PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. Jesus being, of course, God. In sug­ges­ting that one per­son is per­fect it sug­gests that this logi­cal pro­cess is also per­fect and that the ini­tial sta­te­ment holds true.

Ove­rall, this is one big vicious cycle that never actually pro­ves anything (conc­lu­ding that it is 50:50 whether God exists or not, yes or no). But it does hold fairly strong simi­la­ri­ties with Chris­tian beliefs which can in turn pro­vide con­fi­dence in some sort of higher, all Seeing Eye.

Feel free to email and dis­cuss this with me.

NSN: Movie Flops at Box Office
28th February 2003:
NSN Block­bus­ter Flops at Cine­mas
By P.Fezza

This all action, cgi, big bud­get, shoot ‘em up, action move / comic romance sta­rring Arkie Swarz, Syl­via Alone and Vin Unlea­ded was expec­ted to make millions at the box office. Its easy to unders­tand con­cept and step by step story­line was per­fect for a wide audience brought up on a manu­fac­tu­red pop cul­ture. Crane Attack was perfect.

Basic Synop­sis: Ale­xan­der Trump (Arkie Swarz — Term Mater, Com­mand Oh?, Prey), an ex-green beret has been sent to Cam­bo­dia to stop his wife (Syl­via Alone — Des­truc­tion Girl, Judge Judy, Rambi) from being attac­ked by large angry gene­ti­cally engi­nee­red crane fly. Armed only with bug spray, a mini gun and sweat band, Ale­xan­der must track through thick jun­gles, deep swamps, ice cold gla­ciers and under­wa­ter caverns to save his love and pre­vent the evil scien­tist (Vin Unlea­ded — X0X, The Slow and the Pea­ce­ful, Pitch is Green) from taking over the world.

Reviews:
“The Best Movie of the Year” — Bar­bie Weekly
“An Action pac­ked thri­ller which will rip your heart out” — The Sun
“Watch This Movie” — Play­girl
“Killer Sound­track. Killer Flies. GREAT Acting. *****” — Metal Blow­back
“If you liked No Retreat No Surren­der or Colla­te­ral Damage, You’ll Love This” — Pho­to­graphy Experts
“This. Is. Shit” — DVD Review
“Do Not Watch This Pile of Crap” — Pro­fes­sio­nal Movie Magazine

So why did this epic movie not suc­ceed at the cine­mas? It had everything requi­red for the public to lap it up like a cat stuck in the land of milk and mice. The rea­son it fai­led is simply because it had abso­lu­tely no sup­port and as a result, was not scree­ned in cine­mas. The com­pany pro­du­cing it, (20th Cen­tury Chic­ken) refu­sed to dis­tri­bute it due to fears that parts of the movie were not sui­ta­ble for the public as a result of the current poli­ti­cal cli­mate. The offen­ding sce­nes? The film’s cli­max was a geta­way in which the evil scien­tist, ‘Dr Terro­rist Scum’ tried to escape in a pri­vate jet from his under­ground lair. The plane is shot down and it crashes into the labo­ra­to­ries where the Crane Flies were being crea­ted, com­ple­tely des­tro­ying them in a large explo­sion that would impress any teen. A happy ending all round, we thought. 20thCC thought dif­fe­rently — the plane crash was sup­po­sedly too simi­lar to the events of 9/11 and the $269 Million Dollar movie went straight to video, a video only avai­la­ble from a second rate, poorly desig­ned fan site.

It has been recor­ded as one of the worst flops ever. The direc­tor who spent 90 days shoo­ting this video and 90 days wri­ting the script and screen­play has vowed never to create another film. The actors who dedi­ca­ted their time, heart and soul to this movie are dis­traught and are see­king coun­se­ling. Only the pro­du­cers and edi­tor felt com­pe­lled to carry on wor­king with movies — howe­ver with Crane Attack to their name, they are fin­ding it inc­re­dibly hard to get work on even the lowest rated movies des­pite their expe­rience and talent. NSN has deci­ded to stop crea­ting movies and focus on other aspects for making money, this movie has almost crip­pled us des­pite our des­pe­rate efforts to try and get a pro­per release for it.

It’s sad that this is not the only movie that has had such treat­ment. Many movies didn’t even get off the ground and had no source for fun­ding. Even if the movie only had a slight refe­rence to a plane, or even a terro­rist. Many movies were dela­yed, some had only a select few sho­wings at the sma­llest of pri­vate cine­mas, hun­dreds were taken back and re-shot, re-scripted, re-worked and re-made. NSN can only hope that the gui­de­li­nes for movie makers do not get stric­ter, we hope that good movies can still be made, watched and enjo­yed. Remem­ber that you have your free­dom of speech and no one should be able to take that away from you.

Ver­non: So what I mean is, no mat­ter how fast light tra­vels, dark­ness is already there wai­ting for it.
Chase: That’s pretty pes­si­mis­tic. Thanks for dam­pe­ning the con­ver­sa­tion.
Jobe: But you see without light there can be no dark­ness, its a con­trast, dark needs light.
Ver­non: No you’re wrong, without light there would be nothing but dark­ness
Jobe: Without light there would be nothing, dark­ness without light is like death without life. It’s sim­ple, one needs the other to exist.
Ver­non: What are you tal­king about? There is only an absence of dark­ness because of light.
Chase: *switches off lamp* See? Oh sorry, you don’t my bad, no light. *switches light back on* Can we get back to coun­ting the money?
Ver­non: Wait up, I want to see if Jobe can back up his argu­ment. Just now, we had dark­ness cause there was no light, correct?
Jobe: Yeah
Ver­non: Well there we go.
Jobe: But that’s only because you are basing your per­cep­tion of dark­ness in a place where you have seen light.
Ver­non: Now you’re just going over my head, you can’t win the argu­ment by con­fu­sing me.
Jobe: Im sorry, shall I re-phrase?
Chase: No, time is of the essence. You see the small hand on that clock? Its past the four, mea­ning we should get a move on.
Ver­non: Yeah good point, don’t want Miss Sparky here waking up and fin­ding her dog is stuf­fed
Chase: I think she would be more con­cer­ned about her hus­band
Jobe: Can we get back to the point?
Chase: Which is?
Jobe: Im right, he’s wrong.
Ver­non: Oh. So you mean to say, if I bloc­ked out the sun, the whole world wouldn’t be under a sha­dow?
Jobe: Exactly, the sha­dow is cau­sed due to a lack of light.
Ver­non: No, the dark­ness was already there, it was cove­red by the light.
Jobe: It’s all about per­cep­tion. Im right, you’re wrong.
Chase: Maybe, but Im done and lea­ving. Tell Sparky Im sorry about the wine stain.
Ver­non: Hold up, what’s your count?
Chase: 2200
00Jobe: Do we have enough for the insu­rance?
Ver­non: Not If my count is correct
Jobe: Shit. Mexico?

The asto­nishing news last month that a new found oil reserve in the Aus­tra­lian out­back has been dis­co­ve­red has sent shock waves through the glo­bal com­mu­nity. This reserve, found by a young boy who’s dog came back coa­ted in an oily crude subs­tance, is now the lar­gest in the world. Thirty times grea­ter than all the oil within Iraq. It is enough oil to keep the eco­nomy going for an addi­tio­nal 100 years, at the pre­dic­ted rate of inc­rease, basic assump­tions being:

- The world con­su­mes ~80 m barrels of oil a day which is ~30 billion barrels a year of oil. The US con­su­mes 25% of this total. World per capita oil con­sump­tion has sta­yed fairly sta­tic over the last cou­ple of deca­des and the world popu­la­tion growth is star­ting to slow with a pro­jec­ted peak of 8 billion peo­ple in 2050.
- There are 1 tri­llion barrels of “pro­ven” oil reser­ves glo­bally with 0.5 t in poten­tial “easy to extract” reser­ves in new areas like the Cas­pian Sea.
- There is an addi­tio­nal 1.5 t poten­tial barrels of oil in “hard to extract” areas like shale. 

The Middle East repre­sen­ted 2/3rds of pro­ven oil reser­ves prior to this discovery. 

Past Pro­ven reser­ves sta­tis­tics:
Saudi Ara­bia: 261,750
Iraq: 112,500
Uni­ted Arab Emi­ra­tes: 97,800
Kuwait: 96,500
Iran: 89,700
Vene­zuela: 77,685
Aus­tra­lia: 2,780,700

Clearly the Aus­tra­lian reser­ves dwarf those of ever­yone else. The cost of oil has plun­ged and the world cri­sis has been further dela­yed. Howe­ver the area in which the oil lies is owned by a family of abo­ri­gi­nal des­cent that claim it should remain there natu­rally. They do not want to carve up the lands­cape, nor do they feel that they should extract any of the oil from it. 

The Uni­ted Sta­tes are dis­gus­ted at this, and demand that the oil be used cons­truc­ti­vely for the deve­lop­ment of the cor­po­rate empire. The Aus­tra­lians, who would pre­fer their land be used for cattle gra­zing are not giving in to the peer pres­sure from the Ame­ri­cans, the Aus­tra­lian Govern­ment and many other poli­ti­cal par­ties from across the world. As a direct result of this, Pre­si­dent Bush has taken action. Upon edi­ting his axis of evil list, by adding ‘Cen­tral Aus­tra­lia’, he has orde­red all troops, warships, pla­nes, nuc­lear wea­pons and res­tau­rant owners to make their way towards the out­back. Igno­ring war­nings of ‘glo­bal de-stabilisation’ by the UN. Bush is bac­king his deci­sion to attack the family with full force by alle­ga­tions that the ‘Bag-Andy,’ family have wea­pons of mass des­truc­tion. These are accom­pa­nied by aerial pho­tos from 1990 which clearly show a nuc­lear power sta­tion seve­ral thou­sands of kilo­me­tres away as well as a large trac­tor in the backyard.

Such wea­pons of mass des­truc­tion desc­ri­bed by Pre­si­dent Bush:

1. The Sword.
This wea­pon has killed millions over the past millen­nia. The sharp and dan­ge­rous object if used in an inco­rrect manor could poke an eye out. If it is used to slaugh­ter another inno­cent Ame­ri­can or human being, it is neither quick nor ins­tan­ta­neous like the humane method of mur­der, using a gun; vic­tims often taking at least an hour to die.
Upon pos­ses­sion of such an item, it is clear that these terro­rist acti­vists are highly dan­ge­rous and should be stopped.

2. Pitch Fork.
An ins­tru­ment that can be used to stake and maim inno­cent civi­lians while pre­ven­ting our Ame­ri­can troops from killing their chil­dren, raping their land and stea­ling their oil.

3. Nuc­lear Wea­pons
A pic­ture of this was used as direct evi­dence that action should be taken. Found by Ame­ri­can wea­pons ins­pec­tors, this ‘Pure Fis­sion Bomb’ could be highly dan­ge­rous. The bomb would, if it were in the hands of the terro­rists (rather than a top sec­ret bun­ker in Nevada) cause the death of millions of peo­ple pro­vi­ding the Bag-Andy’s had the means to launch it. Its threat would be further inc­rea­sed if it had the capa­bi­lity to func­tion correctly — as oppo­sed to being made of cheap red plas­tic and being stam­ped with a large six foot ‘Made in Ame­rica’ banner.

NSN has set up a fund for the troops and govern­ments of the world to help bring down these terri­ble cons­pi­ra­tors. Click the link below to fill in a sim­ple form to donate $1 to the Ame­ri­can Govern­ment while also pro­vi­ding us with valua­ble infor­ma­tion about various other cities that should be bom­bed and des­tro­yed by our nation. We will be happy to oblige.