Bush Beats the Junkies!

The asto­nishing news last month that a new found oil reserve in the Aus­tra­lian out­back has been dis­co­ve­red has sent shock waves through the glo­bal com­mu­nity. This reserve, found by a young boy who’s dog came back coa­ted in an oily crude subs­tance, is now the lar­gest in the world. Thirty times grea­ter than all the oil within Iraq. It is enough oil to keep the eco­nomy going for an addi­tio­nal 100 years, at the pre­dic­ted rate of inc­rease, basic assump­tions being:

- The world con­su­mes ~80 m barrels of oil a day which is ~30 billion barrels a year of oil. The US con­su­mes 25% of this total. World per capita oil con­sump­tion has sta­yed fairly sta­tic over the last cou­ple of deca­des and the world popu­la­tion growth is star­ting to slow with a pro­jec­ted peak of 8 billion peo­ple in 2050.
- There are 1 tri­llion barrels of “pro­ven” oil reser­ves glo­bally with 0.5 t in poten­tial “easy to extract” reser­ves in new areas like the Cas­pian Sea.
- There is an addi­tio­nal 1.5 t poten­tial barrels of oil in “hard to extract” areas like shale. 

The Middle East repre­sen­ted 2/3rds of pro­ven oil reser­ves prior to this discovery. 

Past Pro­ven reser­ves sta­tis­tics:
Saudi Ara­bia: 261,750
Iraq: 112,500
Uni­ted Arab Emi­ra­tes: 97,800
Kuwait: 96,500
Iran: 89,700
Vene­zuela: 77,685
Aus­tra­lia: 2,780,700

Clearly the Aus­tra­lian reser­ves dwarf those of ever­yone else. The cost of oil has plun­ged and the world cri­sis has been further dela­yed. Howe­ver the area in which the oil lies is owned by a family of abo­ri­gi­nal des­cent that claim it should remain there natu­rally. They do not want to carve up the lands­cape, nor do they feel that they should extract any of the oil from it. 

The Uni­ted Sta­tes are dis­gus­ted at this, and demand that the oil be used cons­truc­ti­vely for the deve­lop­ment of the cor­po­rate empire. The Aus­tra­lians, who would pre­fer their land be used for cattle gra­zing are not giving in to the peer pres­sure from the Ame­ri­cans, the Aus­tra­lian Govern­ment and many other poli­ti­cal par­ties from across the world. As a direct result of this, Pre­si­dent Bush has taken action. Upon edi­ting his axis of evil list, by adding ‘Cen­tral Aus­tra­lia’, he has orde­red all troops, warships, pla­nes, nuc­lear wea­pons and res­tau­rant owners to make their way towards the out­back. Igno­ring war­nings of ‘glo­bal de-stabilisation’ by the UN. Bush is bac­king his deci­sion to attack the family with full force by alle­ga­tions that the ‘Bag-Andy,’ family have wea­pons of mass des­truc­tion. These are accom­pa­nied by aerial pho­tos from 1990 which clearly show a nuc­lear power sta­tion seve­ral thou­sands of kilo­me­tres away as well as a large trac­tor in the backyard.

Such wea­pons of mass des­truc­tion desc­ri­bed by Pre­si­dent Bush:

1. The Sword.
This wea­pon has killed millions over the past millen­nia. The sharp and dan­ge­rous object if used in an inco­rrect manor could poke an eye out. If it is used to slaugh­ter another inno­cent Ame­ri­can or human being, it is neither quick nor ins­tan­ta­neous like the humane method of mur­der, using a gun; vic­tims often taking at least an hour to die.
Upon pos­ses­sion of such an item, it is clear that these terro­rist acti­vists are highly dan­ge­rous and should be stopped.

2. Pitch Fork.
An ins­tru­ment that can be used to stake and maim inno­cent civi­lians while pre­ven­ting our Ame­ri­can troops from killing their chil­dren, raping their land and stea­ling their oil.

3. Nuc­lear Wea­pons
A pic­ture of this was used as direct evi­dence that action should be taken. Found by Ame­ri­can wea­pons ins­pec­tors, this ‘Pure Fis­sion Bomb’ could be highly dan­ge­rous. The bomb would, if it were in the hands of the terro­rists (rather than a top sec­ret bun­ker in Nevada) cause the death of millions of peo­ple pro­vi­ding the Bag-Andy’s had the means to launch it. Its threat would be further inc­rea­sed if it had the capa­bi­lity to func­tion correctly — as oppo­sed to being made of cheap red plas­tic and being stam­ped with a large six foot ‘Made in Ame­rica’ banner.

NSN has set up a fund for the troops and govern­ments of the world to help bring down these terri­ble cons­pi­ra­tors. Click the link below to fill in a sim­ple form to donate $1 to the Ame­ri­can Govern­ment while also pro­vi­ding us with valua­ble infor­ma­tion about various other cities that should be bom­bed and des­tro­yed by our nation. We will be happy to oblige.